i'm stingy?

 so, mother in law used to tell my mom that i'm financially capable but very stingy, my wife said the same stuff

so here's the run down

she said about not buying branded bags etc, no SK-II, did they know i spent way more than SK-II on her medications 

during 2021 dec, she went back to her mother's place for 1months, did she know that she spent 10million rupiahs? i sent her that much in total...

am i stingy? go find another richer husband then...i'm outta here

i think i've done enough, should today be the last day?

I think my patience is gone right now...

I was just asking if I can spend time with my 2nd daughter while she wait at the school

and i can feel the rejection...so i just...said alright nvm and walk away

that was it

i can tell that she'll tell everyone that i'm seizing her daugher again and i can tell that she'll blame everyone else for it...

is it wrong for my as a father, to spend time and play with my own daughter? apparently it is...so i guess further question/request are pointless...i'll walk away from them, starting with her friends...

it's not an easy thing to do, it hurts...but what's the point of keeping this relationship if i couldn't even have time?

she simply said you have time during the evening...that's like....1-2 hour top? really? staying under the same roof and she has the right to limit me? and my parents? they'll be like watching over from a distance...it's exactly like when you're visiting the aquarium...you can see but you can't touch...or you can at some point like touching some fishes, with limitations and that's it....

really? isn't it better to GTFO and you can have both children for yourself and live without me?

+...you don't respect my parents...i don't respect you either...so fuck you! and you can go fuck yourself...

i'm done...i won't ask for anything more...and forget about family trip...that ain't no family...

50 sprays of isopropyl alcohol

 i've seen and experienced what it's like in a car inhaling over 50 sprays of rubbing alcohol, enjoyed it together with my kids, i was fast enough to open all windows when i started feeling dizzy, headache and couldn't drive effectively...

that reminds me of how i felt like being treated as a biohazard material everytime i walked into my room, alcohol sprays all over the floor, everywhere for i don't know how many time she sprayed it, it's stings my nose...but everytime i told her, her response was whatever, i don't know, stfu, etc

so now, i will only enter my bedroom when everyone is sleeping...so she can stop poisoning my kids with alcohol...

that's not how you kill the virus anyway...if it's not there, it's pointless to spray alcohol on every step i walked on the floor...it's a closed room, the alcohol goes nowhere, 50 sprays and you expect infant and toddler to inhale it...yes...

i know drinking alcohol cause cancer, but infant and toddler inhaling it for years...or for as long as they're sleeping in this room...for i don't know how many years to come...she's gonna get angry and scold me again? might as well as disown everyone and i live by myself...

i think i have done enough, suffered enough, being patient for years...being treated like this....idk anymore...i can't see my future as a family anymore...all i see is ...suffering...being stepped on...etc

i don't know man

I started doing treadmill, it's 9:30ish PM and the treadmill was just next door, she called and asked me to why treadmill at this hour, stopped in and come in, it's night, taking shower late can cause rheumatic etc, i said nah gotta wait till the store is closed so i keep running...she said whatever

that's right, i can do whatever i want to now, isnt it beautiful?

and why stop running and go into the room? i thought going into the room cause more harm than good? so coming in before 10PM keeps kids awake and i get scolding, but doing stuff outside and wait till 11PM is a no too?

i don't know anymore...lol

here's the thing...i take suggestion, i digest it, process it, and do it if i think it's ok...not being controlled and told what to do and obey it

simple, noone can tell me how to response to a question and who should i befriend with and what should i say to them. i can befriend with anyone i want, i can respond with any statement/gesture or any shit that i want...and i can say wwhatever i want to whoever i want to talk to...not being controlled and on top of that, i can do whatever i want as long as i don't do harmful stuff yeah?

another night

 it's 10:08pm, i walked into the bedroom and saw my older daughter awake so i asked if she's going to sleep...the answer i received was almost the same as everytime i walked in with kids awake; "she's falling asleep, your voice/talking wakes her up"...so i stayed quiet until now...all i heard was the usual "whatever i don't care" thingy...

digging old cases up

 alright, it's a usual topic here to discuss past events and brought it up again...but i still feel her keeping distance from my parents, and keeping kids away from my parents...i can tell that the moment they start caring for my kids, bring her around the house or anywhere nearby, she'll announce it to the world that my parents seized her kid(s) from her. 

i don't know, if the time has come...my solution would be stop touching my own kids, stop seeing my own kdis, so noone can SIEZE them from her...easy...noone can touch her kids including me, that's the solution she's been looking for...and i shall grant it 

i'm...just....exhausted

 here's what happened most of the time i entered THE bedroom...

kids aren't sleeping or almost asleep, i'll get some complaints/scoldings like bacause of me kids won't be sleeping now, why should i entered the room (it's almost 10PM mind you), i worked all day and haven't take my own bath, and i'm being blamed for getting the kids up

and the rest of the night i'm hearing unmotivational sighs, consisting whatever, i don't care, fuck you, what the fuck

here's the thing, i worked all day, i'm tired, i'm exhausted, i need a refreshing shower before i enjoy the rest of the night and get some rest...all i'm getting is some cursings and scoldings...