I will less like to give a punishment for kids

I noticed that everytime i punished my children...she'll eventually come to her rescue...i observed this happened almost everytime i give a simple punishment, standing still....

i'd let my children stood there as long as she can endure or until she realized her mistake(s), whichever comes first

but before any of those 2 happened, she'd come to her rescue, effectively ending the punishment and she'd be the good guy, i'll be the bad guy....

so why should i do it anymore?

here's the thing, for every bad thing the children did, she'll just tell me to give her a punishment or scolding, she won't do it or her way of doing it is ineffective against the children...

that's the solution? that's like giving up/delegation/pointing finger...just give up, let others do it, and point finger at someone else...everything becomes someone's job...

people don't change....again...never find a solution, just run away from it...and when someone else took care of it...it's done...just like that...

someone's gotta pay for that shit when it's due...

i remember she warned/threatened me when childrens are married, she'll live with them and leave me alone...i personally don't mind...and i don't give a shit ANYMORE...i'll just look at the bright side...living alone isn't bad...i can do more stuff that i couldn't do...like hanging out with my friends....say whatever i want with my friends...just because someone else has been deciding who i should befriend with and what i should/NOT say to friends...

well...i don't see any future with her....anymore...until she can regain my trust...my feeling hasn't been the same ever since i found her disrecpectful against me and my family

peace

it's been a long day and i'm tired + lack of sleep

 being unable to sleep is one thing, adding exhaustion from work is taking a toll on me so i was thinking about going back to my bedroom, fully air conditioned, take a shower, get some rest...perfect....what did i hear? 

fuck you, what the fuck

fuck you

fuck you

fuck fuck fuck

whatever, i don't care

and other negative words that i stopped wanting to hear and i don't want to remember

i guess people don't change

so...why bother? put on my earphones, listen to relaxing classical, enjoy my tea....i'm going to make this my day

curse all you want, you're paying it when it's due...because...whatever, i don't care

Another family hangout

 So this time she bluntly told me no, not going out with my parents and told me she stoped going to her mother's house...

To me, that's irrelevant...and she asked her mother to join in... that's alright... again... I'm not her and i don't think and act like her.

She said she won't feel comfortable, independent by having my parents around...forbidding me to invite my parents out tomorrow.

Why should i say no? I bet she knew her friends hangout with her husband and her in laws...i bet her brother did the same....why? Because that's what ppl do... it's perfectly reasonable, perfectly normal...wanna forbid me? Let everyone else do the same first...and I'll consider it.

It's simple...you don't respect my parents... I don't respect you in return...why? Because they are my parents....

I'll respect my in laws because that's what i was taught and it was in every teachings, be in the 10 commandments, Buddhism Hinduism, taoism, except terrorism...that ain't a teaching... that's a straight to hell, bad shit crazy doctrine that noone else can follow with their common sense ...

But... here's the thing...if we were just holding my children....she would tell everyone that we seized her children, separate her from her children...but when she did it, literally do it worse than us like keeping children to herself and not allowing us to see or touch.... it's alright because she's the mother...while me and my parents are something else....

Bear that in mind....when its 2023, i will file a divorce if things stay the same way...then she can have her children for herself 100%...why would that be my children if me and my parents aren't allowed to be together? 

How to wake me up

 Whatever you can find on the bed, pillow, bolster...1 time with something hard i think its bottle...and feet... there's no better way like i did i?t...by using hand....nudge...tap,pat maybe? 

I'm being treated as something else maybe? Idk...really....but I don't wake ppl up like she did because i respect every human being... I'm definitely not like her

hangout with parents update

 alright, this is an update to yesterday's event. We did went to the mall and her plan to the playground with friends were canceled...we ended up leaving at 2PM. instead of 12:30...feeding kids from 12:30 to 2

Here's what happened...still not allowing kids to go near them...even if kids approached them... i can feel the disappointment in the air...

So much hatred....it's so toxic that it has affected me that I wasn't sure this will turn out better in the future if I keep doing this outings more often.

but doing my best to make it happen and everyone has time for bonding is more important.

anyway...so...late night...she requested a peace talk, where everyone is cool headed and reasoning is working optimally...I agreed and her first statement was about her going to the mall with mother in law + kids on saturday...and going to mother in law's home on sunday + kids...she said I resented/disappointed/angry at her for what happened in saturday and sunday, and my family outing was sort of a revenge for that..i was so surprised that the peace talk's first statement was turning out to be a shit talk and I did NOT even think about revenge or anything near that, the fact that i did not even had that idea stunned me and i didn't like it at all...how did it turned out this way? what happened? 

anyway, hours of arguments and no solution....i insisted on no hatred and get together with my parents because we're under the same roof and they did nothing wrong but she disagreed and insisted on no reconciliation...

and here's the weirdest part...when we touched the kids, she assumed we ROBBED/SEIZED the kids from her.....but....when she brought kids out with whoever out there......it's alright, it's not like she robbed/siezed the kids from me....and called me unfair being a husband...

so it's like she can do it, she's entitled to do so but none of us could...and called me unfair...

ok....i'm not going to discuss this any furthre so we' have to focus on this 4 months time we have...either play nice and be good to everyone and no hatred, just reconsile...or be the same as always...

i'm leaning towards a divorce, so there won't be any argument of me robbing/seizing kids from her...she can have those kids 100% and i'll leave...i don't feel like being a father to my kids and i don't feel like being treated as a husband.

hangout with my parents vs in laws

 alright, so I always said OK whenever she told me about going out with her mother (bringing childrens with her)...and I always said OK as well when she said going out with friends + childrens

And I thought...why wouldn't I do the same? hangout with my parents once in a while...I should do that as often as she did it...it'll be fun...the more the merrier, right?

Here's what happened, i said i'm bringing everyone to the mall...she said she had promised friends to go to the playground with kids, i said uh...ok...either way...just make a schedule and we'll do both...we've got entire day free today...going to the playground wouldn't take over 2 hours anyway.

Let's see if she's dragging this to avoid going out with my parents and prevents children to communicate or go near my parents...I've got the feeling that nothing changed so far...it's still about selfishness, hatred, and revenge...while i can tell my parents are being transparent..no hate, just love...they never do anything wrong, no anger, no hatred, no verbal abuse, just smile...apparently it was not well received by the other party...she claimed that my parents are giving her cold shoulders...well...from what I saw, it's a no, it was her own assumption, her own mind playing trick on her and she's buying it.

I didn't make this up, i can tell my in laws knew about this too...it would be rude to say delusional wouldn't it? i did not say that or mean it...i didn't even think about it...just to clarify.

we'll see how it goes, my prediction would be wasting time and then said going out with friends...followed by friends wanting to go out for lunch...hangout with them again...and then it's late so no malls with my parents...but hey...that's just me guessing the outcome.

i'm out...peace!